Struggles Of Being A Young Mother

September 11, 2018

The more I talk about the struggles of being a young mother, the more I understand how big support young mothers need nowadays. By young, I mean, young women in their early twenties who decided not to follow the trend and sacrifice partying, early career, or simply enjoying themselves, or whatever the society expect them to do.

I became a first time mother at 20 years old, and since then everything I do, or don’t do is being questioned and judged. “You didn’t breastfeed? That’s because you are young and care only about yourself!” “Things get out of control? That’s because you are not mature enough.” “What? You want another kid? Should you think more about your career? When you will finally work, by the way?” “What you were thinking?” Now I have a question for you. Would you dare to tell me exactly the same things if I was, let’s say, 10 years older? I don’t think so.

being a young mother

I can’t tell how many times I’ve been discriminated because of my age. There are so many different situations that I live every day that make me so insecure about myself as a mother. Every time I try to fit in, I fail. People just don’t take me seriously. I can’t go to the playground with my kids and have a casual talk with other parents. I tried, really. Most of them thought that I am a nanny. And why wouldn’t they? It’s impossible that a kid could have three kids on her own, right?

The worst is that I can’t even protect my girls. There been times when other kids pushed them and when I went to talk to them, they were simply laughing at me. I know, it’s just kids but you would be surprised to know that the same reaction came from their parents too. Maybe they didn’t laugh but they made it clear that I won’t be taken seriously. What they said exactly when one boy punched Anya was: “That wouldn’t happen if you were watching your kid. You don’t see that older kids are playing here?” On which I replied that I was the only one watching her kid and that’s why I saw exactly what happened. On that day I learned that bullies are raised by other bullies, and the parenting solidarity is the biggest myth. Again, would they talk to me that way if I was their age?

And what age has to do with being a mother, anyways? 20, or 40 still a mother. It doesn’t matter your starting point, we’re all dealing with the same stuff and it’s always ‘new’ to any new parent. You never ‘know it all’ and there is always something new to learn, no matter where you are in life. Loving and caring makes someone a good mother and not perfect age or conditions, right? So why one is being respected and other one shamelessly discriminated instead of being supported?

I had to hear comments like “Don’t you regret?” Don’t you miss out on something?” I wonder if they ever asked the same questions to their parents. Some people with their precious opinions… What if I actually love to be a mother? What if I wanted to have children young? What if having children for me means gaining something, not missing out on something? Let me tell you something. There’s nothing wrong with being a young mother. I am 24, have three little children under three years old, and I never felt like I would be “too young” for that. Motherhood has been the great leveller for me and has helped me grow as a woman. That would’t happen if I would chose to live my life differently, like everyone expected me to. Honestly, I didn’t expect such life either but even on the worst days I would’t change a thing.

My dear “too young to be a mother”, never listen to what others say! For me, you are a rock! You didn’t choose the easiest way, you chose to keep your baby. That makes you braver than any 30 plus woman that is considered as being “ready”. You ARE ready as much as she is.

Moreover, you will be the best, loving mom for your little miracle. Don’t believe me? My mom had me at 17 years old and was a single mother most of her life. Her love for me kept her going, fighting, surviving. Today she has 3 bachelor’s degrees, a career and another 3 children with the youngest of only 5 months old. She is my biggest inspiration, and so will be you for your child. And if someone says the opposite, prove them wrong! That’s what I do daily. There’s nothing to regret.

7 Comments

  • Reply Nadia September 13, 2018 at 11:26 am

    You’re doing amazing! You’re more mature than anyone who dares judge you and your age. Only immature, insecure people point fingers. Keep it up! x

  • Reply jeimee.d September 19, 2018 at 2:51 pm

    Dearest Jolanta, you inspire me so much! I first followed you on IG, and it feels like I can relate to everything you post. You even inspired me to make a blog myself and pour my heart out! But really, I just love reading about your life, and how you speak for the likes of us young moms. Love lots from the other side of the world. xxxxx

    • Reply Jolanta September 19, 2018 at 5:11 pm

      Thank you SO much!!!!!!!!!

  • Reply Jana September 27, 2018 at 9:06 am

    Jolanta – tu esi lieliska 😉 u rock giiirl!

  • Reply Anitra October 7, 2018 at 8:48 pm

    For a society that claims to be soo open minded, it is quite daunting to see how narrow minded people can be when it comes to parenting, especially ‘young’ parenting. I think people forget, that just because it is possible to delay motherhood, it does not mean everybody should. Not that long ago this used to be a norm… But what strikes me is that even people, who bacame parents at the same age, would still say the same. What most people forget is that we become mature due to our experiences, so the fastest way to matture is to get children…
    But this misconception that having children somehow robs you of your future is ridiculous… Of course it brings adjustments, but life is full of adjustments… What good does it do to study in the wrong field and after realize it is not for you? It is also a waste of time, even more so than having children. No time spent on your children is ever a waste. Life is full of trials and errors, we just have to learn to make most of it. And maybe we should all remember that plans are not predictions of future, the beauty of living is not sticking to our plans at all times, but making choices and adjustments. And more often than not realizing that unexpectedly we got so much more than what we had imagined.

  • Reply V October 10, 2018 at 12:27 pm

    I have two children, my first at age 27. We had some fertility struggles (nothing serious), and we often thought/think we started late. Where we live age 27 is young in comparison to the other first time parents (majority 35+). I get many of the same comments you’ve mentioned in this post. I don’t think it helps that I am quite petite, people mistake me for being a lot younger, and I do feel that is one of the reasons other mothers don’t want to connect with me. Situations can be uncomfortable at times, I get glares from older women, one situation that often springs to mind is when my new GP laughed and told me that my children look like they could be my siblings (a bit of stretch in my opinion). On good days I’ll laugh it off and think well I guess I’m aging well? Other times I’m offended and not sure how to react.

    • Reply Jolanta October 10, 2018 at 2:11 pm

      I always say that nothing is more cruel than a jealous woman! Thank you for your comment! Be strong, sexy mama!

    Leave a Reply