The way my husband and I see things are so different, and it not only affects our daily life and relationship but also parenting. Thinking of that, John Gray’s best-seller “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” comes in mind. Though, I knew about the differences between men and women, I thought that when it comes to parenting, we overcome these differences on the same planet. Turned out I was wrong. So I was thinking, if men are from Mars, and women are from Venus, from which planet the parents come?
Note: E., I love you! Please forgive me this!
I’m not an expert in astrology, but mothers resemble more Saturn, where the characteristics are duty, discipline, responsibility, practicality and reality. For fathers, we might look at Neptune, a planet of illusions. It takes Neptune 165 years to complete its whirl around the zodiac, like it takes hours for a father to finally smell poop in baby’s diaper.
Dear men, do you look at things through problem-free filters or you just pretend not seeing them?
No, I’m not talking about the kind of problems that women usually create in their own minds. I’m talking about real problems like, a crying baby, for example. You see, when Saturnians hear baby crying, they take baby in arms and try to comfort him. When Neptunians hear baby crying, they wait until he stops to cry on his own.
There’s a big, no, a huge pressure on mothers while nobody is ever judging fathers because, well, “they’re dads”. You have to be happy if your man helps you with kids, and very grateful if he washes dishes. And that’s what I often hear from him: “You know, some men do nothing!” And what I hate to hear the most: “It’s normal!” Yes, it’s true, some men come from work and put their asses straight on sofa. Most of them hold babies only when they are smiley , calm and smell good. And “it’s normal”. But it’s only because their beloved wives have made it “normal” since the very beginning. That is the biggest mistake that Saturnians make every day – they take everything on their shoulders – household, children, relationships, and most of them bring money home, too.
Neptunians are not idiots. They see and get comfortable with it. Some of them feel guilty about it and bring flowers time to times.
That is the result of our own actions, dear Saturnians. Ask your husband when was the last time he changed the sheets, or bought a new sweater for your little one? Have your ever heard him saying: “Look, his shoes are too small, I will get him a new pair on the way back from the office.” Me neither. There’s never a lack of clean clothes, baby bottles are sterilized, bed sheets smell like spring and there’s always an extra pack of wipes in case of emergency. Everything is always clean, sorted, and ready to use, Neptunians just have to remember where each item is placed. But that would be too much to ask for, right? But what if we change the planets? Imagine that one day you wake up as a Neptunian and don’t even remember when your socks are? Wouldn’t that be great? Or how about seeing your husband becoming a Saturnian every now and then?
Last week we went for a walk with our daughter and in the elevator he asked me if I took the bag with extra diapers. To which I replied: “No. Why it’s always me who have to think about everything? Go upstairs and prepare the bag.” I was surprised that he even thought about the bag, and you should see my face when he actually went and prepared the bag himself. Yesterday I pretended to have a headache and told him to take care of our girl, and he did. He did it great, actually. Neptunians are more capable than they pretend to be. Sometimes you just have to ask. If he says that he doesn’t know where the diapers are, or which cream goes where, just show him. Practice makes perfect, right?
And don’t forget that they are not like us, Saturnians, and when they wash dishes, they actually need to feel like they are real warriors on the greatest space mission of their lives. The more you will get excited about him helping, the more he will help, trust me. Neptunians are like kids. Every good gesture must be praised in order to receive it more often. For example, next time your warrior cooks, or helps with kids, feed his ego with some sweet words and compliments. Say how sexy he looks in the kitchen! On the next day, you will receive a bucket of flowers, trust me on that.
But don’t get upset if he does something not the way you do. Let him do whatever he does on his own Neptunian way. Again, if you will be on his back every time he tries to do something right, he will simply step back and you will end up doing everything by yourself. That’s what I was talking about in the beginning. It might be impossible to overcome the differences sometimes, but there’s a way to make things work. How? Try to get him involved in everything you do. Don’t give him orders. He never orders you to wash dishes, am I right? Try to motivate him instead! Like with kids, give him “a cookie” and kindly ask him to help. Be kind and patient, and things will change for good. Neptunians are very simple, and it’s us, Saturnians, who like to complicate things. Good luck!