One year ago I was thrown into a whole new world, the world of motherhood. Many things have changed since, some for good, some, well, not so much. But what have changed the most is me.
There’s almost nothing left from my pre-mom self. Not only my identity, but also my dreams, my interests, and passions have slowly faded away somewhere between diaper changes, feedings, sleepless nights, baby’s cries, and all the challenges that come along with having a baby. Things that had once been important and lightened my life has become secondary or meaningless. Like, not so long ago I used to visit Metallica‘s concerts and dance under The Rolling Stones til my feet hurt. Now I spend my Friday nights looking for the best deals on diapers and the only kind of shows I watch are performed by actual masters of puppets.
My life turned upside down, and I’m still trying to get to know the new me in this wildest journey – motherhood. The first year of it has been the hardest time of my life, full of ups and downs, and yet every second was undeniably worth it. I feel blessed to have been given the privilege of being a mother to my precious little angel. She’s worth all the sacrifices and struggles, every worry and tear.
I became a whole new person because of her. Much better person than I was 365 days ago. Still, every day I’m trying to be better. In my heart of hearts, I believe she’s why I’m here on this earth, my purpose, the love of my life. And while my heart swells with pride as she reaches another milestone, I can’t help but feel sad as my tiny, fragile baby turns into a little child.
When I think back to her early days I remember her sleeping on my chest and listening to my heart beat. Then suddenly she wasn’t a newborn anymore. But I was ok, because she was still falling asleep in my arms. Then one day she started to crawl, then her first tooth showed up, then the second one. Now she’s relentlessly working on walking, and seems like she doesn’t even need to be in my arms anymore. Every day she looks older, bigger and less baby-ish. How I can cope with that?
Right now all I want is to hit the ‘pause’ button and enjoy the present moment, full of slobbery kisses, endless giggles and her toothless smile. Because if there’s one thing every mom knows is how time passes by in a blink of an eye.