Twin Pregnancy: How Can I Feel So Bad When I’ve Been Given So Much?

January 19, 2017
twin pregnancy

Maybe it’s just the hormones, but while most of the moms-to-be are joyful during their pregnancies, I feel so sad that it makes me physically sick. You know, that unbearable sick sadness that drags you down and throws a black cloak over all positive emotions. It even takes away all the energy I need in the morning, so everything I try to do during the day seems like exhausting ordeals. You don’t need to have a little human inside your uterus to understand what I’m talking about. I think most of us feel it now and then, more or less.

Being pregnant isn’t easy. I know it well. However, from my own experience, I can say that a twin pregnancy is hands down way more harder that a singleton pregnancy.

With each day that passes, I’m one day closer to meeting my little birdies. However, with each day, I’m becoming more and more overwhelmed, exhausted, weepy and anxious. My mood changes from excitement to panic, sometimes many times a day, depending on how I feel physically or what kind of thoughts I have. For example, last week I had so bad hysteria, that in the end I was unable to breathe and it caused me fake contractions. Quite dangerous sadness, huh?

So what’s happening in my mind? I guess I’m afraid. I’m afraid of how the birth of the twins will affect my relatively carefree, easy going life. Sounds selfish? Maybe. Maybe I’m not ready for such challenge, but who is, honestly?

Don’t misunderstand me, I’m very thankful for such gift from above and I’ve no doubts that it’s going to be the most amazing experience of my life. However,  now the idea of having twins seems more terrifying than exciting.

How am I going to recover from a C-section while caring for two, no, three babies? What if the twins will be premature? If so, when they will be released from the NICU? How am I going to feed them? How all this fuss will affect my older baby? How my husband will feel when he could no longer fit in the bed? And how the hell I will find time to take a shower?

Our first baby changed our life for the better, however, I’m not sure it will turn out the same way with having three. I think I can cope with a lack of sleep, night feeds, crying, diseases that may appear and other challenges of parenting, that’s all don’t scare me much. I’m even surprisingly confident about the relationship with my partner. I know it’s going to be tough, but we’ll make it. We always do. The thing that frightens me the most is that in all this chaos we can find ourselves unhappy. How I’ll cope with that?

So maybe it’s not just the hormones that drag me down. Maybe it’s upcoming reality.

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  • Reply Elise February 2, 2017 at 3:04 pm

    I had those same fears, Mama. And that my twins are toddlers, I have fears about getting pregnant again. I want a third child, but it will throw off our “you carry one, I’ll carry the other” balance. It will mean that two children get held and one child gets left out. I wonder if it will make things so stressful that I feel unhappy. And the idea of being unhappy because of precious, innocent children is a hard thought to grasp. But I can tell you that with twins, the first year – especially the first six months – are the most draining and brutal thing I ever experienced. At seven months things started getting easier, and at around 14 months things got easier still. If you can hold on for just a few months at a time, you can make it, section by section.

    • Reply yooolka February 2, 2017 at 4:29 pm

      Thank you, Elise! I appreciate your support.

  • Reply A April 23, 2018 at 6:43 am

    I’m currently 30 weeks pregnant with boy/girl twins and I have to say I have been less than happy about the whole situation. I have 2 children already, a 5 year old and an 11 month old, and getting pregnant again was beyond the last thing on my mind- let alone with twins!!

    I’m suffering with 10x worse pain, sleepless nights, hormones all ontop of being a mother of 2 already. I am riddled with guilt that I am not excited for my babies to arrive along with wanting them the heck out of my body as walking is becoming harder by the day. I hope to god that once these babies arrive all the negativity I’ve had surrounding the pregnancy vanishes and I can be as happy as I was with my other children.

    I love these babies I know I do, I just do not love being pregnant with them and i’m terrified of handling 4 children when my plan was to only ever have 2.

    I sure hope this sadness will lift.

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