I found out that I’m pregnant five months after the birth of my first baby. The first pregnancy hit me hard, I was deeply depressed during all nine months and I couldn’t wait to get back on track. Don’t get me wrong, I love to be a mom and I’m endlessly grateful for such a blessing, but when you are 22 you want to make the most out of your life. So I started distance learning and prepared a new CV. I wanted to combine literally everything I could – motherhood, studies, career… What a dreamer, right?
One day I woke up with extremely unbearable pain in my lower right abdomen, and my boyfriend called an ambulance. Four hours later I woke up in the hospital with removed cyst and the fact that I’m carrying twins. That turned my life upside down (the twins, not the cyst). The idea of having three small babies at the same time was terrifying. I was sure I could manage two, but not three. Plus, I didn’t receive the support I needed. Instead, everyone told me how hard it will be or asked how I’m going to manage everything. It sounded like: “Congratulations! You are done!”
That made me question myself about my whole life. I was expecting it to be completely different (like, I wanted to protect rhinos in Africa or to become the next Nelson Mandela). Becoming a stay-at-home-mom was something so embarrassing, especially when I saw how my friends were slowly reaching their goals. I thought my life will pass me by and I will never reach mine. But at the same time, I was filled with love. So much love. I was angry at myself. Life gave me such a happiness, but I was sitting there whining and complaining instead of, well, just being happy.
Now I have an 8 months old baby, and I’m 19 weeks pregnant with twins. I know that I won’t become a cosmonaut anymore, but I’m happy about it. Honestly! Sure, sometimes I do have bad thoughts and sometimes I’m sad, even depressed. I’m scared of not being a good mom. I’m thinking, how hard it will be? What if I will fail? What about our relationship with my boyfriend? Will we be strong enough to go through all this? Are we going to be happy? Will see. What I know for sure is that my life will never be the same again and I’m going try to make the most out of it.