Pregnant twice within a year 

December 1, 2016
pregnant

I found out that I’m pregnant five months after the birth of my first baby. The first pregnancy hit me hard, I was deeply depressed during all nine months and I couldn’t wait to get back on track. Don’t get me wrong, I love to be a mom and I’m endlessly grateful for such a blessing, but when you are 22 you want to make the most out of your life. So I started distance learning and prepared a new CV. I wanted to combine literally everything I could – motherhood, studies,  career… What a dreamer, right?

One day I woke up with extremely unbearable pain in my lower right abdomen, and my boyfriend called an ambulance. Four hours later I woke up in the hospital with removed cyst and the fact that I’m carrying twins. That turned my life upside down (the twins, not the cyst). The idea of having three small babies at the same time was terrifying. I was sure I could manage two, but not three. Plus, I didn’t receive the support I needed. Instead, everyone told me how hard it will be or asked how I’m going to manage everything. It sounded like: “Congratulations! You are done!”

That made me question myself about my whole life. I was expecting it to be completely different (like, I wanted to protect rhinos in Africa or to become the next Nelson Mandela). Becoming a stay-at-home-mom was something so embarrassing, especially when I saw how my friends were slowly reaching their goals. I thought my life will pass me by and I will never reach mine. But at the same time, I was filled with love. So much love. I was angry at myself. Life gave me such a happiness, but I was sitting there whining and complaining instead of, well, just being happy.

Now I have an 8 months old baby, and I’m 19 weeks pregnant with twins. I know that I won’t become a cosmonaut anymore, but I’m happy about it. Honestly! Sure, sometimes I do have bad thoughts and sometimes I’m sad, even depressed. I’m scared of not being a good mom. I’m thinking, how hard it will be? What if I will fail? What about our relationship with my boyfriend? Will we be strong enough to go through all this? Are we going to be happy? Will see. What I know for sure is that my life will never be the same again and I’m going try to make the most out of it.

5 Comments

  • Reply cheekytitah December 1, 2016 at 3:20 pm

    This my dear is all going to pass. I am a twin mum and i never though i was going to make it. And today my girls will be turning two in 2months and everthing is okay. I just stare at them and feel wow! I am blessed.

  • Reply Alex December 5, 2016 at 9:39 pm

    It is extremely ‘hard but gets easier.’ When your exhausted, hungry and want a shower this phrase everyone tells you doesn’t help but I promise that one day you will sit and think ‘it’s getting easier’, before someone screams or a nappy needs changing! Ha ha! The fact your scared you will fail shows a passion and a love for these babies that won’t let you fail! Remember take help when it’s offered, have days out with your partner, forget the washing and cleaning (let yourself chill when you can, the world won’t end) and enjoy your babies. Good luck you will Be stronger than you think.

  • Reply triplejanes December 14, 2016 at 2:54 am

    You can do it. Trust me. My mom said the greatest thing she could have ever done was have us really close in age. My older brother and I are only 13 months apart. You will manage. It will become normal to you.

  • Reply Bradina Alexander March 22, 2017 at 2:43 am

    I think I understand some of what you’re feeling and going thru. Not all mind you. I have a 9 year old son a 6 1/2 month old daughter and I’m already 23 weeks pregnant with my 3rd, as well as 2 step-daughters. So wondering if I can do this (given the fact that the babies will be 11 months apart) has definitely crossed my mind. And even though I know it will be extremely difficult sometimes, a lot of the time LOL in the beginning, I will get through it and so will you. it doesn’t stay difficult forever. Hope the best for you you, are a strong woman

    • Reply Jolanta March 22, 2017 at 2:56 pm

      Thank you for your kind words and wishes. It means a lot to me. Wishing you all the best! You’ve got this!

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